Healing: My Journey Through the Fear of Anxiety and Living with anAutoimmune Disease

When I first began seeing my holistic doctor, I unknowingly developed several strongholds on what I could eat (which led to depression) and what my child could eat (which led to crippling fear and anxiety). I was trying to follow the letter of the law, according to him, being his intense dietary restrictions. I found myself unable to do so, which resulted in guilt and hopelessness ( if I can't follow them all, what's the point in trying). I was making him my authority.

Only through intervention from the Holy Spirit through prayer work, have I been able to break some of these strongholds that held such a grip on my life. (At one time I emailed a friend, genuinely stressed about suckers from bank tellers.) I have come to realize that no doctor can be my authority. The ALMIGHTY is. Thanks to Dr. X and my own research (and my good friend Libby!), I  now have extended knowledge about what is healthy for my body and what is inflammatory and potentially problem-causing. I can make decisions based on that and feel good about them (most of the time). I allow myself a healthy treat on occasion and I enjoy it. I am saying YES to my child as often as I can because for me, the NO was out of panic & fear (If I let him have a sucker he is going to be sick like me.--That thought is crushing, hopeless, unbearable.)
 Our God is a God of YES.

For all of God's promises have been fulfilled in Christ with a resounding "Yes!" And through Christ, our "Amen" (which means "Yes") ascends to God for his glory. (2 Corinthians 1:20)

I am still very health-minded and trying to get my child to enjoy veggies and green smoothies (it will happen one day!) and I let him eat candy very sparingly, but I do let him have it. And it gives me pleasure to say yes to him. Most importantly, it has brought peace to my soul and I can truly rest in Him during the middle of my chaos and panic (which comes often!)

The most important tool I have learned through prayer work is when I am feeling depressed, panicked, or other strong emotion....to STOP before I take action....to immediately close my eyes and hold out my hands, palms to the heavens and say, LORD I am feeling out of control. Help me to realize what is really going on....for example, is it stemming from fear? Is it guilt? Is it my extreme need for CONTROL, controlling every detail, or Putting my self-worth in my performance? (If I don't eat right all the time, if I don't serve in every capacity, if I don't take part in this ministry, I am worthless). I say "LORD, I am out of control with ____(fear, guilt, etc) and it makes me completely dependent on you. Let your Spirit wash over me." (There are not magic prayer words, just a connection with HIM). The peace comes almost immediately. This is something I'm just learning to do, and it takes time to incorporate into a crazy busy household. But I am feeling more peaceful and letting go of some of the crippling anxiety that was controlling my life.
When I am living in fear and trying to control everything, my hands are clenched tightly. I  say, "no God, I will not accept this lot. I am going to do everything I can, everything in my power to change this." But "in my power" leads to failure. When I open my hands to Him, I say, "Yes, God. I will accept this, knowing you are good (Psalm136:1), your ways are higher than my ways (Isaiah 55:8-9), and you will only allow this suffering for my good. (Romans 8:28)" When we open our hands to HIM, we can expect something beautiful to come.

God says, See I am doing a new thing! I am making a way through the wilderness. Isaiah 43:19